African Mothers and Aunts! Traditional matching agency!

It’s an acknowledged truth that all African moms and aunts operate a matching agency that runs into high gear once their daughter or niece turns 25.  The pressures to get marry increases ten-folds at the quarter century landmark; as one of my uncle nicely stated, my marketability is only good for two more years. 

He must have been kidding, right? Because I’m not a grocery product with an expiration date that’s thrust to the front of the line as my shelf life comes to an end. I recognize that as women we have a ticking biological clock, however, not every African woman desires to be a mother. My male counterparts are seldom tactlessly pressured to present a future daughter-in-law to the family. I’m an only child, so I can’t compare my experiences with my phantom brother, fortunately I have an endless supply of male cousins.

For the most part, marriage-crazed relatives have not besieged them, instead they are advised to pursue higher education, find a stable job, then consider settling down. And truth be told, all my relatives – including the marketability uncle – are more concerned about me attaining my master’s degree than meeting their future son-in-law. At least they understand the necessity of a higher education and the path to financial independence.

Unfortunately, it appears that I lucked out compare to a majority of Ivorian women. As of 2010 the literacy rate for women age 15 and over was only 46.6% compare to 65.5% to men (which is still a dismal statistic). It’s often the case that in a large family, when funds are scarce, the family will opt to continue paying the boy’s schooling at the expense of his sisters. The warped theory is that an investment in the boy’s education will yield more for the family than that of his sister. At the end of the day she will be married off into another family, whereas the boy will bring someone into his and maintain his responsibilities to the nuclear and extended family.

This usually leaves the girl working in odd end jobs (housekeeper, market vendor, waitress) and searching for an older, not necessarily rich husband, just someone who can provide some financial support. They’re ingrained with this notion that since they are not pursuing an education, there’s no other option but to get married and be dependent on someone else.

As a society we need to halt circulating the idea that as a woman, my life is incomplete until I have “Mrs.” in front on my name. We should be searching for means to allow these girls to further their education, encouraging ventures that will support them and not demean their worth.

By Ahoua Koné